Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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