I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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