did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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