please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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