My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
