its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
