so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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