I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
