who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
