stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
