Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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