My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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