theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
