I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
