I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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