I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
