I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
