I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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