i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
two words: eviction party
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
