proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
