he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
