Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
