just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
