I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
soo... how was my night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
