Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
