his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
