k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have feelings that need drinking.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
