I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
