batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
