Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
worst night to have a conscience
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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