It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
