i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
