Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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