you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
