Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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