can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
