I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
