Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
