Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
