My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
