did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The power of my boobs compel you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
