I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
