Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
