Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
