Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
