You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
