so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
