alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
