Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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