I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
