final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
