Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
