I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
